|A femaleage 30-35,anonymouswrites:|
My boyfriend is always making jokes. He"s rarely ever serious. Just to give you detail, I am 20 and my boyfriend is a middled aged man who is divorced with 2 children.
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About a month into our relationship, he started making jokes about getting me pregnant so he would have me "trapped". He made that joke a few times.One time we were on the phone and he said that he thinks i"m going to go to college for awhile and then i"m going to tell him I don"t really like it and that I want to have a baby instead. He said he will tell me no, and when I insist, he"s going to say ok to the idea.We"ve also had talks about our kid"s name if it is a boy or girl.The other night, he was talking about how children follow the relationship patterns of their parents. He then said "that"s important to remember now that you"re pregnant. (We didn"t honestly think I was pregant, but my period was a few days later than usual).When I called him to tell him that I finally got my period, he said "that"s great baby.. But I just went out and bought baby clothes". I know he was kidding about that, but do you agree that it is still odd for a guy to say?This guy makes jokes about everything, but do you think he is hinting that he wants to have a baby with me? Or trying to let me know that he wouldn"t mind if I did get pregant?I"m just curious because I never dated a guy who talked about this sort of stuff. I mean, we have only been together for 3 months!Please give me your insight.Thanks
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A femalereader, chigirl + ♥, writes (7 September 2011):I think it"s a red flag to be honest. What man talks about babies, even jokes about it, and says he"s picked out baby clothes, after only 3 months? And started it from the very first month? I don"t know if he"s serious about wanting a child with you, but if he WAS serious I wish he"d take it seriously and not joke about it for one. Second, the fact that is isn"t being open and honest about it or taking the matter seriously, but hints at it, tells me he is sweet-talking you to stay with him. Because we all know what young women think about: marriage and children. The more he appeals to these instincts in you, the more sure he can be of you staying with him. It"s a "lock down" technique, it"s what a man says to, in fact, trap you. So his jokes about trapping you with a pregnancy is.. not such a joke as a fact. He is working on trapping you with the idea of pregnancy. The idea of having a child with him. However, seeing as he is not serious about it, it is unlikely he actually wants a child with you. He wants you to think that he wants a child with you. Watch out for other techniques to trap you with him, such as being financially dependent on him, or having no friends, not allowed to do certain things or wear certain clothes. And tread cautiously with this one. Also think about what you want in a relationship. Do you want children? Or has he only softened you to the idea by talking about it so much? You need to make sure any such decision comes from within yourself, and not from him. Also consider: do you want HIM to be the father of your children, when he already has children, and is so much older? If you want children in your life, but do not see him as a potential father (I wouldn"t), then consider what you are doing in a relationship with him.
Afemale reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2011):He sounds like a jerk to be honest. If he"s got 2 kids already he"s unlikely to want any more. For God"s sake don"t get knocked up. Go off to college and enjoy yourself, find someone closer to your own age with no baggage. Find someone who means what they say and says what they mean.
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A femalereader, CindyCares +, writes (7 September 2011):Humour is often a way to express thoughts which would not be socially or personally acceptable. So yes, his hints may mean he would not mind making you pregnanns . But, look at the context. You have been only dating 3 months, basically you don"t even know each other.He is a middle aged man, and you are 20 and leaving for college. So what he is is saying-without-saying-it is not : " I love you so dearly that I want to share with you the most important bond ever -a child ". What he is tryng to to speak , or to not say, in fact,is " I am anxious and insecure, and I am afraid that pretty soon you"ll prefer some college hot young stud to an old geezer like me, and while I don"t want or have the guts to ask or offer actual commitment and a future oriented relationship, well, if some "accident" happened that would limit your freedom and keep you indefinitely at my disposal, that would not be bad at all ".