Back in the day, spanking might have been something your mom did to you when you were in trouble—aka when you refused to come home after playing outside with the neighbs or started throwing around cuss words because you thought you were cool. Those times were... not fun.

But as an adult, spanking can actually be a reward—and not necessarily a punishment (unless you’re into that sort of thing...wink, wink). “Erotic spanking is a form of consensual impact play that uses hands or tools to strike the butt, thighs, breasts, or other fleshy parts of the body,” says pleasure coach Tyomi Morgan.

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You are watching: How to properly spank your wife

Did we get your attention yet? Below, Morgan shares anything and everything there is to know about getting your spank on, even if you’re not sure if it’s for you quite yet.

So, like, why do we think spanking is hot?

According to Morgan, spanking releases a cocktail of “feel good chemicals” in your brain to reverse the initial feeling of pain. “Dopamine, adrenaline, oxytocin and endorphins are released, transmuting the impact into a pleasurable experience,” she explains—adding that even the sound of it can be arousing for some people. Rarr.


How do you tell your partner you want to try it?

Morgan recommends using visuals to get your point across. “You can send your partner a text with a GIF or a video of someone being spanked and ask their opinion on it. Or you can send the same content and say, ‘I’d like this. Are you open to it?’”

Visuals can help your partner understand exactly what you’re asking for without your having to elaborate, Morgan says. “Spanking is often equated with abuse, so using visuals of erotic spanking can help your partner change their mind about it and see it as an arousing experience.”

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Okay, so let’s say they’re in. How do you spank?

Before you get started, come up with a safe word with your partner so the two of you know when to stop the action, Morgan strongly advises. Try something easy that can be said quickly and without forgetting—like, “red” or “apple.”

Once you’ve come up with a safe word, it’s time to get spanking! First, start with your hands. “The palm of the hand is fleshier, creates a thudded impact, and generates a loud noise. Impacting with the fingers creates more of a sting and can be used to tap different regions of the butt,” says Morgan.

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Also, before you go to spank, take note of how big your hand is—obvi, a bigger hand might have a heavier impact than a smaller hand. “The spanking should start out soft and intensify at the request of the receiver,” Morgan says.

“Rubbing the location of impact after a few spanks is a good way to extend the session and monitor bruising. It’s highly important to be aware of the color changes of the skin as blood rushes to the place of impact.”

Where should you spank?

There are four zones of the butt you want to impact: The top near your back, the sides by your hips, the underside of your cheeks, and the middle, squishy part. In particular, Morgan suggests spanking from the bottom because it “sends vibrations into the genitals that can bring more stimulation and lubrication.”

...Okay, and if your partner isn‘t down?

Who said you need a partner to enjoy a good ol’ spanking sesh? “There is most definitely a way to incorporate spanking into solo play, and it’s all about using positions that grant access to both the butt and genitals simultaneously,” Morgan says.

“Your free hand that isn’t stimulating the genitals can be used to spank your ass, and there can be a switch off. Paddles can be used to reach different parts of your cheek, and using a standing position can work well—especially when bending at the waist.”

So now that we’ve gotten to the bottom (LOL) of spanking, you may be better able to figure out if it is, or isn’t, your thing. If you’re down, give it a try, and then work your way up to using toys once you’ve graduated from using your hands.

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